circular coast

Circular Coast

Check out my Flickr!


I’m having such a difficult time processing this, and I’ve basically turned into stone for the past few hours. I love Robin Williams so so so much, and once in a while, celebrity deaths really hit you in a place reserved especially for the people you know best - your family. And like all of you, I feel like I grew up with Robin Williams. He’s made me laugh my whole life, and he’s made me cry. He was the first actor who made me understand that someone who can make you laugh the hardest can also have the greatest pain. He married drama and comedy. And he was so fucking good. I already miss him as if he were someone I had seen every day.

Depression is a motherfucker. And it’s hard, because even though it’s a big discussion now, it isn’t always. It’s difficult for some to understand that it isn’t just a phase or a habit you can kick. Just as you can’t decide to no longer be angry, you can’t choose to be happy tomorrow or even next week. Depression is a hole in your person, it’s someone you live with. Sarah Silverman described it as “feeling homesick when you’re already home.” I’ve had some form of depression my entire life (and this is the first time I’m writing that down, which feels odd), and the day I was officially diagnosed was like a slap in the face, but also this odd validation. Like, ok, you were right, you’re not just this miserable shell of a person, you have something living inside you, you don’t have to feel so guilty. And it is just a different way of life - it is not any less than anyone else’s. I’m not RW, I don’t know what he went through - what I feel is my pain, what you feel is yours. PAIN IS RELATIVE. But when I am at my lowest, I hold on to knowing that there will be a day when things are different. Do I know they will be? No. Is it selfish to end your pain? No, because that suggests your hurt itself is selfish, and that would be a very nonsensical irony, would it not? Control is limited. If I had control, I would be neurotically happy 24/7. What you feel is what you feel, and sometimes it becomes too much. But that doesn’t mean you can’t let someone in when they knock on the door. It doesn’t mean you should ever be afraid to let someone in.

My greatest antidote when I feel that nothingness creep in is to watch a movie. Buy a ticket, sit in the theatre in silence, disappear into someone else’s life. The room is so big, the space is so dark, the screen is so bright, that I have no choice but to get lost. Movies are the visitors I let through my door when I don’t feel like turning on the lights or going outside. I miss Robin Williams, because he was one of my visitors, and it hurts me especially  because of the pain he was in, something I guess I know a little bit about. Pain can be shared, pain can be understood, pain can be eased, pain can be loved, pain can be heard. Never keep silent, try to never let that stranger inside your body win. You are infinitely cooler. <3

(Source: violentv, via newyorkcanwait)



by Antoine BruyVia

Whenever the emails pile up or the traffic grinds to a crawl, many of us fantasize about leaving it all behind and unplugging from the grid. The people in Antoine Bruy’s ongoing photo series Scrublands have actually followed through, disconnecting from the trappings of modern life even when it means jumping into a new lifestyle they know nothing about.

“I wanted to meet them and see how they managed to learn something which they were not used to,” says Bruy, who lives in France. “Most of the people are not from farming families or anything.”

Bruy has been photographing around Europe for the project since 2012, visiting some 15 encampments in his home country as well as in Romania, Spain, Switzerland, and Wales. He’s focused on those who survive as sustenance farmers, by raising livestock, or hunting. Now he’s holding a crowdfunding campaignbecause he’d like to extend the project to the United States, the country whose history he says inspired many of his subjects.

(Source: ryanpanos)